Well, it turns out End of Year Resolutions are just as hard to keep as New Years Resolutions. 

I haven’t completely failed my self-challenge. It’s just looking a little different than what I was aiming for. This blog makes my second post in two weeks, so at least I’m writing more. 

I’ve had a hard time writing (in general) these last few weeks/months . I have great thoughts & concepts but I just can’t seem to allow myself to focus & process through them. I tend to feel like every blog I write needs this up beat, positive lesson learned & that I can’t say anything negative. That’s not true & it’s not real.

I’m not saying I should complain or throw a pity party or write a completely negative blog, but leaving out the frustrations & hardships is leaving out parts of the process & journey. 

So here I go: I’m frustrated & stuck. 

It’s two years later & I’m right back to where I was before the Race: wanting to go to Bible college but feeling like it is so far out of my reach & feeling the pressure to finish university (mainly to please others) before I do what I really want to do with my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to finish university. I value education and enjoy learning. But what if God wants me to serve the church in a capacity that doesn’t require a college degree? Or what if the training that is best suited for me can’t be found at a regular four year American university?  

Should I really take time away from being equipped for my specific calling now to go & finish university anyway so that I’ll have a “back up?” Is having a back up Biblical or is it living out of fear? How different would it look if money wasn’t an issue?

For now, I don’t know all of the answers to these questions. But I do know that God is continuing to teach me to be faithful with what’s before me each day. I feel like this is going to be one of the hardest lessons of my life. At least, it seems that way right now. 

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